A traditional Jewish wedding is full of meaningful rituals, symbolizing the beauty of the relationship of husband and wife, as well as their obligations to each other and to the Jewish people. The following guide will help explain the beauty and joy of the Jewish wedding traditions. We can’t wait to celebrate with all of you, and please feel free to reach out to us if you have any questions. We want our wedding to be as inclusive and fun as possible!
The dawning wedding day heralds the happiest and holiest day of one's life. This day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the chosson (Hebrew for groom) and kallah (bride), for on this day all of their past mistakes are forgiven as their two separate souls merge into one. They begin their life together with purity and renewed clarity about the goals they hope to accomplish for themselves, their families, and the Jewish community.
Literally, the term shomer negiah means "observant of touch." In practice, the terminology refers to someone who refrains from physical contact with individuals of the opposite sex outside of the immediate family. This is done in order to reserve the holiness and sensitivity of touch for a husband and wife. Therefore, we respectfully ask that the men only shake hands with and hug Eric, and that the women only shake hands with and hug Liba. Air hugs and air kisses are totally welcome! Thank you so much for your understanding.
It is customary for the chosson and kallah not to see each other for one week preceding the wedding. This increases the anticipation and excitement of the day in addition to enabling alone time for introspection and reflection. Therefore, prior to the wedding ceremony, the chosson and kallah greet their guests separately. This is called “kabbalas panim" and is the opening ceremony of the wedding, a warm-up to the main event. Jewish tradition likens the couple on their wedding day to a queen and king. Liba will be seated on a "throne" to greet and give brachos (blessings) of well wishes to her honored guests. In an adjacent room, Eric will be surrounded by guests who sing and toast him at the "chosson's tisch" (table). The official marriage documents will also be prepared and signed at the tisch. There will be a short reception prior to the wedding ceremony, during which guests can go to both areas to greet Eric and Liba and begin the celebrations.
After the tisch and kabbalas panim comes the bedeken, when the chosson veils the kallah's face. The veil itself symbolizes the idea of modesty and conveys the lesson that however attractive physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. The chosson, accompanied by family and friends, proceeds to where the kallah is seated and places the veil over her face. This signals the groom’s commitment to clothe and protect his wife both physically and spiritually. It is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac. This is one of the best parts of an Orthodox wedding! Eric is danced from the tisch to the bedeken to see Liba for the first time. You will hear loud music and men singing. Just clap along — it is pretty infectious!
After the bedeken, guests are invited to the chuppah, or wedding ceremony. The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah (marriage canopy), a symbol of the home to be built and shared by the couple. It is open on all sides, just as Avraham and Sarah had their tent open on all sides to welcome people in unconditional hospitality. Under the chuppah, the kallah circles the chosson seven times. Just as the world was built in seven days, the kallah is figuratively building the walls of the couple’s new world together. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately. Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony. The first cup accompanies the betrothal blessings, recited by the rabbi. After these are recited, the couple drinks from the cup. Wine, a symbol of joy in Jewish tradition, is associated with kiddush, the sanctification prayer recited on Shabbat and festivals. Marriage, called kiddushin, is the sanctification of a man and woman to each other. In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the chosson gives an object of value to the kallah. This is traditionally done with a ring. Eric gives Liba a ring in clear view of two witnesses and declares to her (in Hebrew), "Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel." After Liba receives the ring, the ketubah (the official Jewish marriage contract, outlining the husband's obligations to his wife) is read aloud, and then given to her. The document has been signed by two witnesses, and has the standing of a legally binding agreement. Following the reading of the ketubah, seven blessings are recited. The blessings offer gratitude to G-d, as well as well-wishes for the couple, both now and in their future together. The final moment of the ceremony then takes place when Eric breaks a glass, shattering it with his right foot. MAZAL TOV!
Immediately following the ceremony, the couple is escorted to a private room where they will spend the first moments as a married couple in complete seclusion, or yichud (togetherness). The short time spent alone in the yichud room symbolizes the holy intimacy that rests at the core of their marriage. In the yichud room, Eric and Liba have a chance to take a deep breath after the intensity of the day and break the fast that they have each been keeping since sunrise. Everyone should make their way to the cocktail hour and enjoy appetizers and a wine bar - Eric and Liba will meet you there, ready to dance, eat, and celebrate!
At the simchas chosson v'kallah (celebration of the groom and bride), there is eating, drinking, singing, dance floor shenanigans, and general merriment. The meal will be broken up by periods of dancing and fun! As Eric and Liba enter the room, they will be greeted by lively singing and dancing. Liba will be surrounded by the women and Eric will be surrounded by the men. Whenever there is dancing, the men will dance together in one area and the women will dance together in another area. Men and women dance separately in order to maintain focus on the celebration at hand — the marriage of the chosson and kallah. This is a reason why the guests dance in circles around them. Throughout the dancing, the bride and groom will take periodic breaks from dancing themselves and sit on chairs on the dance floor for the guests to entertain them, called "shtick". This is the time to show off your back-flipping, juggling, or fire-eating talents that you have been saving up for a perfect opportunity. Be creative–it’s all about making the bride and groom happy! After the meal is finished, Birkas Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, including the same seven blessings that were recited under the chuppah.
It's no one's favorite, but eventually the party does have to come to an end. After Birkas Hamazon and hearing your final mazal tovs, Eric and Liba depart the wedding to begin their lives together. The week following the wedding will be filled with settling into their new home, as well as special meals known as "Sheva Brachos" at which Eric and Liba will have a chance to celebrate with friends and community members who were not able to attend the wedding.
The above material was created with many thanks to Emma and Aaron Lash, Ashley Nahin, Melissa and Andrew Kaplan, Sarah Goldstein, Sari Leventhal, Aish.com, Ohr Somayach, and Made in Heaven by Aryeh Kaplan