FAQs

Question

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM EACH OTHER THAT STANDS OUT?

Answer

Every relationship is about two people who are different in almost every way, but are similar in certain ways too, with common underlying interests. I have learned that if we are going to work, then both of us have to put in the work. One outstanding lesson I have learned is this, even if God says you two are meant to be together, you two have a choice to make it work. If you don't work at it, God will not do the work for you. The two people have to be willing and committed to the relationship or else, it will crumble. Two devils can get married and their marriage will work. Two angels can get married and their marriage will fail. It is not the nature of the people, but the desire of the people. Jezebel married Ahab. She was a witch, Ahab was a weak king. They both had a fantastic marriage. Nabal married Abigail. Nabal was a fool, Abigail was wise. They worked while Nabal was alive. David married her after Nabal died. Another thing I've learned is *it is not what you say, but how you say it that matters.* I have not fully learned this lesson. It's still a work in progress but it's a valuable lesson. Your intention may not have been to offend, but the way you say it, can cause more problems for you. You'll have to be careful with how you communicate. Another thing that stands out for me is, FORGIVE QUICKLY. The longer you keep that hurt, the more difficult it gets for you to forgive. Also, be quick to apologize. Prioritize peace over justice. It's not about who wins the argument. It's about peace. Finally on this, don't ever make your partner feel insecure. The greatest needs of a woman are love and protection and the greatest needs of a man are respect and honour. These are the gates of a successful relationship. Their presence breeds security.

Question

HOW DO YOU PRIORITIZE COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION?

Answer

About 75%-80% of our relationship is Long Distance. Because of the nature of our relationship, we ensure that no day goes by without us having to talk for at least 5-10 minutes. No matter how short, we have to talk. There were times when we could not avoid it, but as much as lies in our power, we talk everyday. Because of how much we talk, there are things you'll ask me privately and ask her privately and we will give you very similar responses and you'll think we discussed it behind you. We didn't. It's intimacy. She knows what I'll say in most cases, and I know what she'll say in most cases. For conflict resolution, we made two rules from the very first day of our relationship. * No third party will settle a quarrel between us, no matter what it is. * No conflict will see the light of the following day. We must resolve all conflicts before going to bed. If a conflict happens late into the night, it must be resolved, first thing in the morning. We have kept to these rules until today. There was a day we had a conflict and she ended the call saying, "I love you". I responded with, "Go, I don't love you". Almost immediately, like he was waiting for me to say it, the Lord rebuked me. "Don't you ever say that to her again. Keep quiet if you don't want to say it, but never tell her that you don't love her." Another rule we have is that no matter how angry you are, we must never address each other by our first name. I broke that rule one time, and she did not let me rest until I corrected myself. Also in conflict resolution, both of us cannot be mad at the same time. We would say to each other, "Anybody wey tire, go chop and sleep. When you wake up, we continue the relationship." Nothing is so strong to make us quit. We have seen some of the worst, but because we have made up our minds on our destination, we stay strong and face these difficulties together. Fight together, stand together. Protect your relationship at all costs, if it means the world to you.

Question

HOW DO YOU MANAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OPPOSITE GENDER WITHOUT MAKING YOUR PARTNER FEEL JEALOUS?

Answer

There is no way she won't feel jealous. Every woman wants to protect what is hers. Even I would also feel jealous if she spends too much time with other guys than with me. It's a normal thing. God also is jealous for us. Jealousy is a component of love. Your partner wants to be confident that your heart belongs with them. They want to feel safe with you, even when you're not with them. It is my responsibility to ensure that even when she sees me with other girls, she doesn't feel insecure. I have to make sure that her love tank is always full. If I give her that assurance, she will let me do ministry without feeling inferior to them. Transparency is also important. There's a way that a lady will behave around me, the next thing I will do, is to go report it to her. She has to know. God put her there to protect me. Women are dangerous. They are the only ones (apart from God) who can protect you from one another. Never joke with the instincts of a woman —Never! It's 90% correct all the time.

Question

ARE YOUR CONVICTIONS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP FROM GOD OR A PERSONAL DECISION BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR PARTNER?*

Answer

Short answer —both! I heard God, but most importantly, it's a decision that we both made from the onset. From the very first day, I already told her, "I want to marry you." Everything that came in-between, were more like cement and sand, to help build what we already had in mind. Even if God said so, you still have some work to do. I never told her, "God said you're my wife." I do not encourage that. It's manipulative. Even if God told you, if the person says NO, let them be and go your way. God doesn't speak to everyone about marriage. Some people have to make the choice for themselves at the end of the day. We decide, and then pray about it. I literally told the Lord, "Obianuju is hard to love. Teach me how to love her, just as you love the church." God has been helping me. When I see how Christ loves me, I take from that revelation and make the object of my affection to feel the same way that Jesus has made me feel. I learn from him and implement. God's love for me is eternal. I mess up, he has forgiven me in advance. I take from that, and love my partner too. If salvation cannot be lost and God will not give up on me because he is convinced about me, then my relationship must work because I am convinced that this is the woman I want to be with and nobody else. Our relationship is not built on emotions, but on knowledge. Emotions are subject to circumstances. Love is not always lovey-dovey. There are ups and downs. What will pull you through, has to go beyond emotions.

Question

WHAT ATTRIBUTES WERE YOU LOOKING FOR IN A WOMAN?

Answer

I may sound a little biased, but this is me being very honest. As beautiful as many ladies are, I was never going to marry a girl that's not Igbo. The moment I learned that a lady wasn't Igbo, I'll friend-zone her. I just wanted an Igbo girl, especially one that speaks the language fluently. It's because I want my kids to know how to speak our language and since I'm not a fluent speaker, I want my wife to be. So, I wanted ONLY Igbo girls. Also, I wanted someone who knows how to cook. I love home-made food. I do not eat roadside food. I'd rather eat snacks, than roadside foods so cooking good food was a plus for me. Intelligence, is another thing. I needed someone that we could communicate at the level of my thinking, or at least somewhere close. The reason I left my previous relationship that didn't last for two weeks, was because the lady didn't share my level of intelligence. I was communicating at a particular level and she could not relate with it. We just had to end. I'm going to wake up every morning to see one face on my bed. She has to be good looking. Dark-skinned, slender ladies, my spec at the time. Now, if my baby wants to be light-skinned, she's still my spec. Finally, spiritual values. Does she believe what I believe, or is she just a Christian? We must share similar spiritual values or else, we cannot work.

Question

HAS DISTANCE TESTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

Answer

Long Distance Relationships are the hardest to maintain. You have a lot of trust to build because you and your partner are not in the same city. That alone is a big challenge. It takes extra effort to make it work. Distance tried us everyday but our resolve to be together is stronger than the power of distance. Thank God for social media, Video calls and cheap call tariffs. These were saving channels for us. The days we didn't feel like talking over voice calls, we would chat and some other times, video calls. It wasn't easy, but it worked. Some days, we would miss each other so much that we would start crying over the phone. It was a tough one, but God has been faithful. How you handle your heightened emotions during those times when you miss each other, is very important. It's in that period that you'll know that your body is not a log of wood and you have blood flowing through your veins. Tongues cannot help you, only God can.

Question

HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

Answer

EMEKA'S PERSPECTIVE (PART 1) I met Obianuju in 2016. We were both members of the same fellowship back in school, although on different campuses. She was a student of Ignatius Ajuru University of Education (Main Campus) and I was a student of University of Port Harcourt. However, we were attending the same fellowship (NIFES) in our respective schools. We went for Rural Missions at a community called Ikata and we both were in the Prayer Squad. Back in my school, I was in the Bible study committee, prayer squad and Drama unit (LADEX THEATRE). These were my favourite service units. She was in the Prayer Squad and Music Department in her own campus. I think she was the Music Director at the time. So, while at the community for the Evangelism, we were to have Bible study and she was put in my class. That was the first time I got to know her name because everyone was introducing themselves in order for us to bond. But our bond went beyond the Bible study class. After the class, we had some time to talk and get to know each other better. Before the bible study that day, I had an encounter with the Lord early that morning. I was to minister at the crusade later that night and the Lord met with me at the altar of the church where we were camping and praying. I was there for about four hours and Isaiah 53 was made alive to me. I felt the agony of Jesus on the cross. This encounter formed the basis of our discussion after the Bible study. She told me she had observed me crying that morning and was wondering what was happening to this boy. We exchanged contacts and from that day, became friends. TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2

Question

HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

Answer

EMEKA'S PERSPECTIVE (PART 2) In 2017, we scheduled a casual date and after waiting for Obianuju the whole day, she didn't turn up. I sent her an SMS saying, "Thank you so much for the date. I really had a great time." The next time I saw her, she told me she had even forgotten that we scheduled a date, even with all my efforts to keep her informed about it. That same year, I was going to start my filmmaking and music ministry, I invited her to be a part of it. She attended the inaugural meeting and without blinking, she turned down the offer. One thing led to another, and we lost touch. She changed her number and I could not reach her. In 2019, I met her again at a friend's wedding. We exchanged contacts again and as usual, Obianuju changed her number in less than six months. November 2020, I saw a status post by a mutual friend of ours, of he and Obianuju hanging out. I requested her number and we reconnected. She had always seen me as someone she honoured. She fondly called me "Emmydave" and at every opportunity she got, her sentences often ended with "sir". However, she's a chatterbox, and I'm a listener. We bonded so easily because we both had matching energies. Back in school, she was fat. Several times over the phone, I would body-shame her and say, "You better go and lose weight. You don't know if I'd be the one to marry you". Almost instantly, she would blurt out, "God forbid! Emmydave, even if you're the only man left on earth, I'll never marry you." Well, Never say never! 😂 September 17, 2021, I asked her to be my woman and she said, "Yes". That was when we officially started dating. Three years down the line, we are about to walk down the aisle on a journey of forever. It has been a rewarding journey and I've never for once regretted being with this amazing woman.

Question

HOW DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS THE ONE?

Answer

PART ONE In August 2019, I was studying my Bible that morning and the Lord began to speak to me about my marital journey. He said to me (which I wrote in my journal), "In the year of your service (NYSC), you will meet someone who is a very important piece in the next phase of your life. It is a 'she'. She has been praying and waiting for you and August 2020 will be two years she has been waiting. I delayed her for two years for you, because you were not ready. Now, you are ready, it is time to connect you two." I graduated from school since 2016, but I went for NYSC in 2021. I actually processed my documents in 2020 and was supposed to go in December of 2020, but there was a setback soni was moved to 2021 batch A. We reconnected in November 2020. By 2021, our conversation got really intense. We started talking late into the night, sometimes 3-4 hours and we weren't even dating. One day, she said to me, "I'm in love with someone, but I don't know how to tell him. I feel like it's wrong for a lady to open up her feelings to the guy, but then, I don't know how I'm going to go about this." I said to her, "What's the worst thing that can happen if you open up to him?" "He will reject and probably start to see me as a cheap lady," she responded. I said to her, "I don't think a responsible guy would do that. It takes extra courage for a lady to open up first, but a real gentleman will value that courage and not take it for granted. So, tell him. You won't die. If he turns it down, you won't lose anything." I never knew that I was advising her on my behalf. 😂 While I was in NYSC Camp, she said to me, "You're the person I was talking about that day." I nodded my head in agreement and said, "Wow, that's nice. Thank you for telling me. Let's see how it goes though." That was the last time it was mentioned. Cold me! 😂 Weeks later, I sensed a strong leading in my heart that it was time for me to be in a relationship. It had been seven years since my last relationship.

Question

HOW DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS THE ONE?

Answer

There was a friend who was really close to me. I felt she was the one, so I opened up to her about a relationship. She kept saying, "I don't see you that way. I see you as a mentor and there's nothing more that can happen between us." I felt she was the one, but she insisted it wasn't her. I left her alone and got into a relationship with someone else. We didn't blend so I ended that relationship in two weeks. One morning, I was preparing plantain and I heard a voice in my heart say, "What of Obianuju?" I asked the voice, "What about her?" The voice responded, "Have you considered her?" "As what?" Then there was silence. I went on Facebook and searched for her recent picture. The picture I saw on Facebook at that time, was good. I downloaded it and sent it to one of my big sisters. I said to her, "I believe God is leading me to go into a relationship with her. Please, join me in prayers." The following day, she called me to say, "I think it's a green light. The Lord told me she's the "ADA" of her family and I have peace with her." I gave a two-day margin and then, popped the question. I had no special feelings for her —just friendship. The following morning, she said to me, "I've been waiting and praying for this for two years now. I didn't think I deserved you but somehow, God told me, that nothing is too good for me if he could give Jesus for me. I was tired of jumping into multiple relationships, so I told God to help me write my love story. I should have gone for NYSC in 2019, but somehow, I was delayed because my names needed to be rectified." I flashed back to my journal. It was so accurate, just as the Lord had said. What I didn't like was her size. So, I was praying one morning and said to the Lord, "Why Obianuju? She's not my spec. I don't like her size. She's on the big side." The Lord said to me, "You have a small stature. What does complement mean to you? You're Petit, she's bigger. It's a good match. That's what you need and that's what I give."