Getting married!

Back in 2019, Woodburn Baptist Church was hosting their first ever RELAY Worship Conference, and new recruit Drew and long-time member Melissa were two of the many volunteers helping to set up and get ready for the day. They were paired up to roll out tables in the fellowship hall where lunch would be served. Melissa: I was already hard at work when Drew came up and Rod introduced us. I knew how to set up a table and though the 6-ft round tables were heavier than most, I was handling myself perfectly fine, thank you. Drew: So Rod introduced us and I thought I’d be nice and try to get to know this girl and help her move the tables, while she continuously stonewalled any type of question or innocent advance. Melissa: Each time I got another table out (all by myself), Drew would run up and try to help me roll the table that I already had under control. What was this dude’s problem? Drew: I was just trying to help, man. Melissa: Look, if we would have just taken care of our own tables, we could have gotten done twice as quickly, amirite? Eventually the two got the job done and moved on to help with other aspects of the conference.

Shortly after the RELAY Conference, Drew and Melissa were scheduled to play together for the first time. It was also Drew’s first Sunday playing a full drum kit (rather than cajon), and he was pretty nervous. Melissa: Before the service, I could tell that Drew was anxious about being on stage and playing in front of so many people. I just wanted to encourage him that everything was going to be fine and that we were playing for the glory of God, not to impress people. Drew: I really was super nervous. She kept reassuring me that it was okay, I would be fine... and that kind of got me thinking, “Hey, she showed me basic human kindness... she probably likes me!” Melissa: Encouraging one another is what friends are for!

In May of 2019, Drew and Melissa were requested to serve on a team leading worship for the Kentucky Baptist Convention’s annual conference. Everything went well with rehearsal, dinner, and the service. While they were cleaning up, a man came up and asked, “so are you guys, like, couples?” The ensemble was three 20-somethings, and a 50-something, so the ladies were very confused as to who this guy thought was paired up with who. Melissa: I was confused, but also thinking, ‘hey, there could be worse guys to be paired with than Drew.’ Drew: Ever since that first time we played together, I started liking Mel more and more... this guy just kind of made it worse, but also validated my feelings in a way. I had decided to ask Mel out on a coffee date, and I was ready to ask her right after we got everything loaded up in the van. After the van was packed, Melissa stopped the group to drop a bombshell—she had bought a one-way ticket to Asia and was planning to be there indefinitely. Drew: NOOOOOOOOO!!! Melissa: Missions has been the focus of my life since senior year of high school, so moving to Asia was just the next right step for me. Drew: Well there goes my coffee date idea.

Melissa went to Asia and worked until March of 2020, when the novel coronavirus forced her and many others to return to their countries of origin. While she was gone, Drew had reached out a few times and they chatted, but it didn’t really go anywhere. When Melissa came back to America, she was heartbroken to be torn away from the life she had made, but hopeful to be able to return soon. Drew had decided to stay away and not get too attached to the idea of Melissa being around LEST HE BE BURNED AGAIN. As the quarantine stretched from weeks into months, Melissa joined a Discord chat group with Drew and they started talking again. Suddenly she was back and—as he soon realized, much to his chagrin—so was Drew’s crush. Drew: I created the Discord group because I wanted to connect people who were locked in their homes, but I had no idea that she would join, too. I was pretty happy to talk with her, but definitely totally over my previous unspoken feelings. Melissa: I really just joined to be nice. Drew is a nice guy and a good friend. Over the following few weeks, the two continued messaging, then graduated to Discord voice calling. Drew: I didn’t have her number, nor the gumption or gall to ask for her number, so... Melissa: I was a little surprised when he called, but I was okay with it because it let me work on other things while we chatted. I was still teaching my students online at that point, so we had a lot of late-night conversations while I graded papers and he told me about all the things. Drew: It was comforting to actually have someone to talk to while I played games and stuff rather than just type at. Melissa: We were definitely becoming good friends. Drew: Just friends...

In the course of their messaging and in the midst of quarantine (and Drew’s job lay-off), Drew invited Melissa over to play music in his newly refurbished jam room. Melissa agreed. Melissa: Sure, why not? I like friends. Drew: Ok, don’t get excited, we’re just friends... right? The day went well. Melissa and Drew played some music and talked and spent more time together. Melissa met Drew’s parents and they all had dinner together as a family. It was starting to get dark when they finally said goodbye for the evening. Drew invited Melissa to come back for Theron’s third birthday party the next month. She agreed. Drew: It was awfully nice getting to know her and I really hoped she could come for the party! Melissa: Sure, why not? We’re just friends... right?

Melissa: I made grape salad for the party and came early to help out. I think I had only seen Theron once or twice before I left, so I didn’t really know him—I was mostly there for my buddy Drew. Drew: She was there! Yay! Melissa helped Drew’s mom with party prep while Drew and his dad worked on projects outside. Theron was busy elsewhere, but came out just before the party. At that time, Drew and Melissa were by the front door and Theron came out of the bedroom all smiles, ran straight up to Melissa, and threw his arms up for her to pick him up. She obliged, and started talking to him and asking questions. Then she glanced up at Drew. Melissa: His face was just radiant with the biggest smile I’d ever seen on him. It was just for a second, but I felt a flutter in my chest at seeing his joy. The party was a hit. Melissa met all Drew’s closest family friends and relatives and didn’t realize until afterwards that she was the only one there who wasn’t family (or close to it). Melissa stayed late and sat with Drew in the jam room by the computer after the party, and she found herself flirting. Melissa: It was NOT flirting... I just touched his arm a couple times unconsciously and then SCREAMED at myself in my head ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!?’ Drew: Did she just reference herself as, “ya girl?” Eventually, they said goodbye, shared a hug, and Melissa drove away. Drew closed the door and couldn’t stop giggling. Meanwhile, on the ride home, Melissa kept going over moments from the party and smiling to herself. Then she realized what was happening... Melissa: Okay, God. We gotta have a chat about this. This is NOT part of the plan. I’m applying to go to Singapore right now! I don’t have time for a boy! God: Well, what do you like about him? Melissa: ...I don’t want to talk about that right now. Let me just tell you why this is NOT going to work. 1. I want to live in Asia; 2. He has a little boy; 3. I want to live in Asia! God: *shrugs* Melissa: No.

After Theron’s party, Melissa and Drew didn’t talk for a few days, but then they were finally scheduled to play together at church. Drew couldn’t wait to see her again, and called her as soon as he got off work to ask if she wanted something to eat. Melissa agreed, and Taco Bell was procured. Rehearsal went well, and Drew was all smiles. The recording started (church was prerecorded for online streaming at that point), they played, and went to sit and listen to the sermon. Tim’s sermon title was, “Is There Somebody For Everybody?” Drew thought the answer would be ‘yes,’ and maybe that person was Mel. Melissa read the sermon notes beforehand and knew it was actually a sermon on singleness from 1 Corinthians 7. Melissa: I had made up my mind and talked it over with God. My life was too complicated for romance. So any time Tim made a really good point about how being single was easier, I nodded vigorously to signal to my FRIEND Drew behind me that I was perfectly happy in my singleness, thank you. Drew: I just got progressively more angry at Paul as the sermon went on. I originally really thought that Tim was going to help me out to make an opportunity to ask Mel out, but he let me down in a big way. It especially hurt when he read the part where Paul says an unmarried woman can be more devoted to the Lord and holy in body and spirit in verse 34. Verse 35 stung, too, when he said, “...I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.” I didn’t want to be her distraction from the work God called her to do in Asia. Melissa: I kept nodding, but I could also hear sniffles from behind me, and my heart just broke for him as I thought about the loss that he had suffered in being made single again and with a now-three-year-old in tow. After the sermon, Drew’s smiles were gone, but they finished the service and he cleared out in record time with a brief goodbye, pointing out the food, and holding back feelings.

After the service that evening and Drew’s abrupt departure, Melissa breathed a prayer for him and took the thoughtfully procured tacos back to the Weeks’ house for enjoying over a lovely episode of Eyelashes (AKA Murdoch Mysteries). Drew, meanwhile, angrily drove to the flat bridge to have a little talk with Jesus. Drew: HOW DARE YOU string me along for the last four months, God, only to take away something that was going to be good for me??? What, is it fun for You to just keep shutting me down? Watching me suffer? Melissa: Wow, these are good tacos. Drew: I’ve lost everything, and I had a shot at getting it back, and here You are trying to take it away from me again! Why does everything good go bad for me? Melissa: I wonder if there’s hot sauce... I wonder how Drew’s doing... Drew: So what?? What am I supposed to do? Go home and tell her that I love her?? God: *Pointed Stare* Drew: ....Oh. Drew’s rant abruptly ended and he calmly drove home. Melissa finished eating and visiting, said goodbye, and headed out to the car to leave.

Drew sat alone in his room, staring at the ceiling and repeating “no,” to God for about an hour as his hand laid on top of his phone. As Melissa walked down the sidewalk to her car, her phone started to ring. It was Drew. As soon as she saw the number, she knew what was coming and her stomach flip-flopped. Mel: “Hey! How are you?” Drew: “Um, okay, I guess. Look, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” Mel: “Okay, go for it.” Drew proceeds to spill his guts, saying that he’s had this crush for two years and that after the sermon that day, he couldn’t just let it go; he had to get it off his chest. Melissa was silent for a few seconds. Drew: “Hello? Are you there?” Mel: “Yeah... I guess I kind of have to be honest, too... That’s actually something I’ve been talking to God about.” Drew: (as a squeak) “Really??” Melissa told Drew about her feelings and all her reasons why this “wasn’t going to work.” Drew says he knew all that before he told her, and yet there they were. The conversation ended in a weird kind of limbo. Drew felt relief and was hopeful. Melissa was still convinced that this was not going to happen and that this conversation changed nothing.

That Sunday, Melissa was leading outdoor worship on the lawn. She was setting up equipment when Drew walked up to help. Mel: I was NOT expecting for him to be there, and I did not know how to act. My solution was RUN. Drew: Is it just me, or is she avoiding me? They manage to finish setting up, play a few songs, listen to the message, and start cleaning up, all without Melissa making eye contact with Drew or speaking to him directly. They were very busy, after all. Drew approached Mel as she tried to carry a guitar, guitar stand, iPad stand, and mic stand into the church at the same time. She thrust the guitar and a stand at him and asked him to help, then promptly walked briskly toward the church. Drew: I was jogging to keep up! Mel: I was just trying to get things done! As they reached the door, Drew said Drew: “Hey! Can I talk to you for a sec?” Mel: “...Sure.” Drew: “Do you like sushi?” Mel: “Yeah, I do.” Drew: “Do you want to get sushi Tuesday?” Mel: *Okay, Tuesday lunch, I’d do that with any friend* “Yeah, okay.” Drew: “How about 5:00?" Mel: *Okay, friend dinner?* "Okay, I can do that." Drew: "Cool. So do you want to do something else afterwards? Like we could go bowling or see a movie?" Mel: *wait a minute... IS THIS A DATE??* "Umm... well, COVID, ya' know..." Drew: "Oh yeah. Well, I can pick up sushi after work and bring it to the house and we can eat there!" Mel: *Okay, family date, controlled environment, I can handle this* "That sounds great!" Drew: "Awesome!!" They finished their work cleaning up and parted ways until Tuesday.

Melissa beat Drew to his house that Tuesday and spent some time hanging out with the family. When Drew finally arrived with sushi in tow, his mom started saying goodbye to Melissa. She was confused: Mel: “I’m not leaving…” Drew’s Mom: “We’re having spaghetti!” Melissa followed Drew to the music room where they spent so many hour the first time she had come over. Somehow, this felt very different. Mel: This was not going to plan. I was not prepared for this kind of privacy for what I had pictured in my mind as another family dinner of sushi around the kitchen table. My heart was racing, but I tried to play it cool. Drew: She was not “cool.” It was obvious to me that she was a little stressed out, but I was chipper, so I turned on some LoFi, layed out the food, and tried to make small talk to put her at ease. Mel: I was in big trouble. They thanked God for the food (especially Melissa, because food in mouth meant less talking) and enjoyed delicious sushi. When the sushi was finished, the real Talk began. Drew: “So… I think we need to talk about what happened last week, because I don’t want to leave anything up in the air.” Mel: “…Yeah…” They talked for five hours, discussing everything from Singapore to missions to Theron to commitments. Despite having feelings for Drew, Melissa tried to convince Drew several times that a relationship was not going to work. Drew persisted and accepted the challenges of what would be reality if they decided to pursue each other. By the end of the night (or wee hours of the next morning), they had decided to give this thing a shot, however short-lived it might be.

DREW’S PERSPECTIVE Mel came over one day to hang out with me and Theron. I really enjoyed seeing her interact with him all day. At some point, the time came for me to lay him down for his nap, so I excused myself and took him to his room. A few minutes later, I was back. We lounged on the couch together and talked about all kinds of things—just really getting to know each other better on a deeper level. I was so comfortable and loved feeling her head on my shoulder. I think I may have dozed off for a few minutes just from pure relaxation. Eventually—and perhaps a little earlier than usual—we heard little feet scampering across the floor and Theron poked his head out the door. Mel beckoned him over, still leaning into me, and Theron climbed up onto her lap and laid his head down on her chest and promptly went back to sleep. As I was laying there, I looked over and saw what I always wanted—family. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I finally felt whole again, like somehow that moment brought me joy and peace and chapter closure for something that was broken in the past. This thing could work. It would work. That was the moment I knew that I loved her.

MELISSA’S PERSPECTIVE Everything for me is a process—there’s not usually a singular moment of revelation that changes my life. Loving Drew was the same. Drew had the relational advantage of having crushed on me for over two years, but I had only really started having a crush on him for about two weeks before we started dating. That being said, it was kind of fun to just be able to say out loud everything I was feeling in real time, not bottling things up inside me like a typical crush. From the beginning, I knew that things either had to get very serious very quickly or needed to not get serious at all because there was a small child involved. It wouldn’t be fair to Theron for me to spend lots and lots of time in his house, then all of a sudden disappear without a trace. As a three-year-old, he wouldn’t be able to understand. I was planning to go to school in Singapore in four months. I needed to make a decision. I started thinking about marrying this man. Theron was easy to love, but Drew? Could I really step into this role as wife and mother, and what would that mean for the things God had called me to do? I prayed and sought wise counsel. Then I made my decision: I would defer attending school in Singapore to look for a similar education in the U.S. online so that I could stay close to Drew and Theron. That was the moment I knew I loved him.

Drew and Melissa started talking about marriage around November. They started looking at rings together and Melissa made a Pinterest board of rings she liked to give Drew plenty of options. Drew wanted to propose at Christmas, but finances made him postpone. After the New Year, on January 8th, he figured he had waited long enough. Drew: I went to Walmart one day after work, walked up to the jewelry case, and was completely overwhelmed. I couldn’t find anything that was exactly like Mel wanted, but I was dead set on getting her something. As I was looking, I prayed and asked God to show me the right ring to get. Then I heard, “That one.” It was nothing like what she wanted, and it wasn’t even her size, but I bought it because I wanted to propose to her so badly. Drew drove home, put the ring in his sock drawer, and waited for Melissa to come over that evening. When she arrived, they had dinner with Drew’s family, then he asked her to go to his room with him. Mel: Drew was acting like something was wrong—he said he got something in the mail and didn’t know how to tell me… then he pulled out a box and got down on one knee! I was so surprised and started crying immediately. Drew: I looked up at her and asked if she would make me the happiest man on Earth and marry me. Mel: I said yes! Drew: She said yes! Mel: Then Drew started making all these vows to me, causing more tears. I asked him to pray for us as a couple and a family, and he spoke the most beautiful prayer over our lives together. It was nothing like what I expected, but it was everything that I needed. I love this man. Drew: I love this woman.

Join us September 18th for the beginning of this chapter of our story! ...TO BE CONTINUED!