Maid of Honor
World traveler, crazy cat lady with an IQ of 132, and you can always count on her carrying a switch blade in her purse. There is a rumor that she once killed a guy with just a pencil because he asked her to smile one to many times.
Best Man
Technically a Doctor, will microwave you a home cooked meal while serenading you with scores from his favorite films. Deep philosophical conversations and animal sounds are his specialty. Sorry ladies, he’s taken.
Bridesmaid
Professional designated driver, stealer of alcoholic beverages for candid photos, and vacation planning extraordinaire. But watch out for that RBF, it will get ya!
Groomsman
Co-President of the Significant Others Club, deal finder and expert negotiator. On a Friday night you can find him with an adult beverage drunkenly singing Queen and strumming an air guitar. Lock up your bourbon, he brings his own bottle but will also drink all of yours.
Bridesmaid
Boy Mom and professional day drinker, she looks like a lady but will out drink you on Friday night, then shoot and skin a deer Saturday morning. One of these things may not be true, but is it wise to question a girl that can shoot a gun?
Groomsman
Professional photographer who occasionally works on a cure for cancer or the Covid vaccine. He may have a PHD, but his beer pong skills are subpar these days. And don’t talk about Whataburger around him either, Daniel now thinks he’s famous for wearing a honey butter chicken biscuit shirt to a baseball game.
Bridesmaid
Loves all things clean - clean beauty and clean house. No linen closet is safe when she is around, but don't let her wholesome image fool ya, i have seen her chug a pitcher of beer in less than a minute and flex chug a glass of champagne with no hands.
Groomsman
Not the Rothenberg we asked for, but the one we needed. Official Freudenberger family dinner fill in, aspiring varsity baseball head coach and Mathlete team sponsor. He’s traded in his poker nights and Saturday night beer pong for a nice glass of rose and bachelorette reruns.
Bridesmaid
Stef holds a world record for longest middle finger, and she is not afraid to use it. The things she yells while driving would make a sailor blush. You can always count on her having plenty of chips, dips and pizza at any party.
Groomsman
Ever aspiring golf pro and personal trainer. Likes to spend time on the grill and entertaining crazies. Don't let his deep voice and good looks fool you though, he will make you a pasta taco once he gets a couple beers in him..
Bridesmaid
Everyone’s biggest fan. She's a lover of used desserts and feeds a small army out of her house every weekend. She says she’s half Mexican, but her Spanish is bad and her signature dish is tater tot casserole, pinche gringa.
Groomsman
Typical that the smartest of us all is a Neurologist living in California, sipping wine and saving lives. Once he fixes Cali, he then plans to fix Africa. Jeremy Tanner can do it all, just pick him last to be on your basketball team cause he is more likely to break than Humptey Dumpty.