. . . Tell either of us in 2016 that we would be getting married in three and a half years and we would have laughed in your face. In fact, we did laugh at a lot of people asking us when we were going to get together. But here we are…. Adrienne and I have worked together for five years and to answer your inevitable question of “what took so long?”, I will simply say that neither of us really understand. We both have ebbed and flowed in our attraction to each other at different times in those years and while we cannot say exactly why nothing romantic happened until now, we can both say that we are immensely glad we started dating when we did and are now getting married when we are.

When I (Dave) first started working for Stumo, I was the only media producer on our entire staff of about 100 or so. I worked in an office in Arkansas where I was the one-man creative department and, not surprisingly, it was a lonely job. Then came this talented, lovely, funny, smart new hire… Despite living 6 hours away from each other, Adrienne and I were fast friends. I had a colleague! She was fun, had great ideas, and took the media face of our ministry so much higher.'' (I was crushing on Dave since day one but couldn't tell a soul. I mean... we were coworkers! I had to keep it professional. That only lasted a little while until one of my close friends asked if I liked Dave. I sheepishly replied and said no. She then asked when I was going to stop lying to myself. Oof! Caught!) With all those good things I liked about Adrienne, I decided not to pursue her... Smart right? Truth be told, I wasn’t looking to date anyone. Some of the reasons for that were even very good reasons. I had a lot of growing up to do in my first years out of college, I wanted to give myself fully to the ministry I had committed to, and I genuinely didn’t feel any need to be in a relationship. I was content to remain single, or at least I thought so.

I found it a much more difficult task than anticipated to treat Adrienne like I did all of my other female friends. Our once strictly work conversations began to morph into longer discussions about life, things we liked and disliked, what each other was doing that weekend and so on… I found reasons to talk to her about projects and upcoming work events because that was always better than just sitting in my office alone in Arkansas… (I loved working with Dave! As we were collaborating on projects and spending more and more time around one another, I found myself wondering if we were more than friends. We weren't going on any dates, yet there seemed to be this mutual connection that was obvious to me and my friends. It left me so confused! Through much deliberation and fear of initiating, I eventually came to a point where I just had to know where this was all going.) I got a call from Adrienne and she explained what she was feeling about our friendship and then asked me if I had any intention in asking her out. I was dumbstruck. Mike Tyson had just uppercut me out of my shoes. How did I not know this was happening?! I thought all was fine, we were good friends, Adrienne had even told one of my good guy friends that we were “BFF’s” (a long story for another time, but suffice to say I put too much weight on that statement as a final judgment on our relationship status). Didn’t she know I wasn’t dating anybody? I thought I was just being friendly and getting along with a fellow Christian and co-worker. Yet as she explained her concerns, I heard the truth in all of them. I saw the folly in my own actions as she recounted the things that confused her, and when I replied that I had no intentions of asking her out, I heard the wisdom in her words as she then asked to set boundaries around our friendship.

What had happened as I got to know Adrienne, was that I wanted more and more of her company, talents, emotions, humor etc. without any attachment of a relationship. (Remember when I said I had a lot of growing up to do in my first years out of college?) When she boldly explained to me what was happening in her head and heart because of that, it changed my life. It deeply impacted the way that I related to women for the rest of my life and tapped into a deep well of respect for Adrienne that I had never felt before. With everything laid out on the table and the prospect of being in a relationship explicitly off that table, we knew where we stood with each other and, not surprisingly, found ourselves in the best balance we had ever seen as friends.

Over the next two and a half years as friends, I occasionally came up against my attraction for Adrienne and found a reason every time why it just wasn’t going to happen… “She is in Fort Worth, I’m in Arkansas, and we both have the same role in our organization we can’t get married and both move to the same city, God clearly isn’t bringing this together.” “I already messed that up and put us permanently in the friend zone years ago.” “You have a great friendship and work relationship together, you’re just grasping at something because you want comfort.” And so on and so on. (During those years, I genuinely had moved on from the idea of anything romantic with Dave. I had given those desires over to God, which wasn’t easy, but eventually I was able to see him as a very good friend and brother in Christ. I even remember praying specifically that Dave would marry one of my friends because selfishly I wanted to him to remain in my life!)

About a year ago, I found myself running face first into my affections once more but as I rebutted my feelings with the same admissions and excuses, it didn’t work. I missed Adrienne. I wanted her around in whatever I was doing. I tried to tell myself why I shouldn’t, but I kept seeing that there was this woman in my life who was beautiful, funny, smart, capable, godly, and enjoyed being around me yet for some reason I didn’t want to pursue her. Despite her myriad of attractive qualities, to ask Adrienne out felt like I would be diving head first into thin air. It felt like I’d be kicking the proverbial hornet’s nest because I had told her it wasn’t going to happen and then I’d show up two and a half years later, when our friendship is healthy and our work relationship is flourishing again and say…. What? What would I say??? “Hey…so I changed my mind.” Or maybe, “This was my plan all along…” What on earth would she say? Were there still any embers of a flame I had stomped out before? For every good reason I had to pursue her, it seemed I had a fear equally sizable to keep me from taking action. I prayed for months. I asked people’s advice. I thought and debated in the middle of the night. I had to be sure it was worth the risk. I knew what I had put Adrienne through before, I knew the value I had on our current friendship. Pursuing Adrienne romantically could ruin everything but I couldn’t deny that I didn’t want to just be her friend. I had to know if there was more there, so I made my move. (I literally had no idea this was going on in Dave’s mind, nothing changed between us. In fact, we were talking less that summer because we were both busy at our different summer work assignments and I was actually considering moving to Asia with Stumo. So when Dave called me 4 times one day in September, I had no idea what we were going to talk about...)

All day I tried to get a hold of Adrienne, and she was busy every time. At 11:30 at night, she finally was free and I didn’t want to wait another night staring at the ceiling. We small talked for a minute or two and then I told her I had a question for her. I asked if I could take her out that coming Saturday… (silence) (more silence) “…Are you serious?” The utter confusion in her voice confirmed all of my suspicions that she had absolutely no clue that I had even been thinking about asking her on a date. When I told her I was serious, she actually asked me again in that deliberate, purposeful tone that only those who are in true disbelief about a situation are ever capable of, “Dave… are you serious?” Upon further confirmation, she agreed to go on a date with me and the grin that split my face like a 8 year old at Six Flags, was the first of thousands like it over the next 8 months. - I will spare you the details of 8 months of long-distance dating, they will always be sweeter to us than to any one else. We video chatted. We texted too much. We missed each other. We laughed a lot. We cried a few times. We prayed for each other. We learned how to pursue one another. It was amazing and difficult. It was stretching and it was a pleasure. It was thousands of miles driven between the both of us. It was sappy letters and cards exchanged back and forth. It was realizing that mail took 2 days to get from Arkansas to Texas but over a week to make the opposite trip… It was falling in love…

I wrote Adrienne a letter when I first began to pray and consider in earnest if I ought to ask her out. It explained all the reason why she was worth the risk of our friendship, why I couldn’t get her off my mind, and why I longed to get to know her deeply. I saved it and on May 18th, 2019 I gave her that letter. That night I had enlisted some of Adrienne’s close friends to pull of an engagement that would show some measure of the love I have for her and in addition to that first letter, I had written a folder full of letters and prayers that I would only want her to know about if she was going to be my wife. As she read through a select few of them, I told her our story as I saw it and ended by telling her for the first time that I loved her. I wanted the first time I said those three words to be paired with action. I wanted to be able to do something about it rather than just say the words, and it was worth the wait and then some. I asked the girl of my dreams if she would marry me and she replied with a simple, joyous “yes” spoken though a downright stunning smile.

Like I said, neither of us can totally explain exactly why it took as long as it did for us to both come together. As fun as it is to joke that I had my head under a rock or was asleep at the wheel, Adrienne and I would both say that we are immensely grateful to God that we didn’t date until now. In his infinite wisdom and perfect orchestration, we have seen the ways God has grown both of us in the last 5 years and are both confident that we would have made quite a mess of it if we had jumped the gun. Throughout our dating relationship, I have consistently asked myself, “what were you doing ignoring this girl for all that time?” I have wondered that if my life, and our relationship is this good now, why did I spend so much time single??? It feels like I had a blindfold on that specifically covered up the things that make being in a relationship with Adrienne so great and once it was taken off I never wanted anyone else. The most logical conclusion I can come to is that it is exactly as God willed it to be. I wouldn’t want to have dated Adrienne any sooner or later than I have. We have seen how perfect his timing is, and we want to trust it for the rest of our lives as a team. We look forward to trusting Him as The Mathewses.