Wedding Party
Grace Beardmore
Maid of Honor
Got a type 3 on the enneagram test to the shock of absolutely no one. Dyed her hair to look more like her baby. If you get into a disagreement with her just know that only one person is right. You are the other person. At least, according to her.
John Daly
Best Man
If you haven’t met him yet, he’s the pale one who will probably be reapplying sunscreen mid ceremony. If John had a nickel for every neck brace he had by the age of 14, he’d have 15 cents. Would regularly pay Joe to make phone calls for him. Once, he even had Joe impersonate him in a job interview. (They got the job!)
Laura Klein
Bridesmaid
Simultaneously the tallest and physically weakest of the Klein girls. Was the inspiration behind the character Morty from the show “Rick and Morty”. Once complained about there not being enough clouds on an island beach in Italy.
Marie Claire Klein
Bridesmaid
Has dyed her hair so many times you’d think she’s in the witness protection program. Can’t go on half the rides at Six Flags because she’s sub 5’. So Gen Z she asked me to link her tiktok.
Caroline Johnson
Bridesmaid
Was the inspiration behind the term “QTA” which stands for “quick to anger”. Regularly checks to see how many people have referenced her college thesis. Previously kept a “hate list” in her kitchen for easy access.
Hillary Aronds
Bridesmaid
Bought a plot of land to build a home on shortly after her fabulous destination wedding to ensure she can complain about something unrelatable for the next two years. Bought gray contacts for a halloween costume and continued to wear them for the next six months. Contributes to global warming by her ever growing personalized styrofoam cup collection.
Dr. Carly Stender
Bridesmaid
Specifically requested to be referred to as “Doctor” on my wedding website. It is widely debated whether she has said “actually” or “shut up, Hillary” more. Don’t let her RBF intimidate you, she’s actually really annoying.
Blaire Beardmore
Flower Girl
Poops her pants. Has so many bows you’d think she’s an archer. Still lives at home.
Danny Fritchman
Ring Bearer
His mom was a D1 athlete and he can’t even walk. His dad is a PhD candidate and yet he can’t even read. Thank god for those eyelashes or he’d be in trouble.