Wedding Party
Daniel Wolf
Groomsman
You may have heard of the Fantastic Mr. Fox, but are you ready for "The Wolf of North Campus"?! Don't let the piercings, combat boots, and leather goods scare you... Behind those baby blues and luscious locks is a heart of pure gold fueled by vegan cheese and Rage Against the Machine lyrics. From frat bro to life long friend of Joe, Danny spends his days as a man impassioned by power (he works in the energy sector okay!) and empowering the people (check out Food not Bombs!), all while showering his pup and his truly magnificent, one-of-a-kind, life-partner lawyering goddess Arielle, with love affection and endless support. (We love you Arielle!) Not only is Danny out there fighting the good fight, but it is because of our radical punk prince that Carli and Joe have such a well rounded relationship fueled not only by love, but also, a deeper understanding of each other's rich history. That’s right, led by their very own third musketeer, Carli and Joe not only survived but thrived at Maryland's Homecoming in 2022. Thanks to sweet Daniel, Carli has paid homage to Joe's humble beginnings, and having gifted an offering to Testudo she has lived to tell the tale of a night spent at the classy establishment known as "Looney's." Welcome Danny, not just the man, myth, or Maryland legend, but also, Joe's groomsman, Carli's fashion inspo and our cherished pal.
Katherine Pedrick
Bridesmaid
Kitten, Kitkat, Katherine Roomate DC... while her contact name has seen many iterations, her role in Carli's life has been one in the same since the day they moved in together, "Live in Lifemate and protector of the realm" ...the realm being Carli's work life balance and lifemate the result of 5 years spent sharing a couch, kitchen, and one very sassy cat... the Infamous Florence "Flo" Cortopassi. Thats right, Katherine has seen it all and lived to tell the tale, from sleepless nights spent being the worlds most supportive wingwoman all while dancing her heart out to Blink 182's top 3 hits, to even more sleepless nights spent watching whatever obscure tv show only the two of them deemed fit enough to watch (lookin at you Carnival Row) Regardless of why they weren't sleeping you could find Kitten plopped right next to Carli, 24 ounce wine glasses in hand (shout out Mr. P!), discounted holloween candy between them, knitting, yapping, and discussing the merits of dating in this godforsaken town with Flo... yes, the cat. Katherine has gone where few have gone before her... and while she and Carli's very own sister Natalie remain the only two women to ever hold this distinction... she gives her best to the groom, reminding him that should he fail she will not hesitate to tar and feather him in the town square... kidding. Sort of ;)
Franklin Van Dyke the Fourth
Groomsman
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to get a hug from someone as warm, generous, and charismatic as Daddy Warbucks? That's right, to be swaddled in the sweet embrace of the same kind of man that would adopt orphan Annie and make all her dreams come true? Well look no further for Joe has it on good authority from Carli, that that is exactly what it feels like to get a hug from our very own Frank... just Frank, for this humble king leaves his government name for the big dogs on wall street. Who would've thought that Maryland's very own Sig Ep could turn out so many precious gems in one class, that's right ladies and gents another one! Frat bro to BFF for Joe, Frank has brought a level of tender love and care to Carli and Joe's life that they didn't know was possible outside of a fairy tale prince charming, complete with his real life princess, Maris Van Dyke the Fourth. These two angels may be our New York outpost, but they never miss an opportunity to make sure the bride and groom feel the love from all around the tristate area... not to mention they BOTH lived with Joe and are rumored to be at least 60% of the reason we call him "Tender Joe" as opposed to "Caveman Joe". So if you're looking to be wrapped in a blanket of love, a soft brush of hair to rival the J Biebs himself, with a side of cheek kiss that makes you feel like the Queen of Sheeba, please do yourself a favor and say hello to Frank... just Frank.
Emily Lipson
Bridesmaid
Emily Lipson, Jack of all trades, Master of All of them. You read that right folks, she's the "we'd hate her if we didn't lover her" type. And honestly, how could you not...love her that is. She's not only a gal for the girls but should you find yourself in a bind, feeling bad, or just hangry... look no further than this angelic jewish mother incarnate for she'll make sure you're fed, body and soul, so help her god. Carli would know, for like a few others mentioned before her, Emily has lived with Carli, picked her up in the dead of night, brought her coffee in the early morning, and at one point made her sign a contract stating she would not leave the house unaccompanied after 5 pm with her phone at less than 20%... So everyone give the one and only Emily "MY WIFEEEE" Lipson a big squeeze for it is because of her efforts your very own bride-to-be is not only alive and well... but has enough confidence to snag a hotty like Joe thanks to her constant supply of 'YASSSS QUEEENs' and 'STUNNIN' MY GALs' over the years. Should the day come where the art of the "power hour" has gone extinct and the Florida Panthers have nary a single fan, let it then be known that our very own Emily Lipson must have passed into another dimension and should be mourned accordingly before her canonization as a saint. Let the record also show that the Florida Panthers are this years Stanley Cup champions. We love you Emily and so does everyone else. Go Cats Baby.
Kevin Donnelly
Groomsman
Kevin Donnelly. Think Thomas Shelby with even better style, Pierce Brosnan with more piercing peepers, Bono with more swagger than he knows what to do with. Yes, it is believed the Irish icon St. Patrick himself, came forth and plopped a blessed kiss on this man's brow. He is a beacon of good fortune and better looks, a bald beauty of style and grace, most importantly, he is good luck incarnate to all. His friendship is worth more than a pot o'gold. Thats right ladies and gentlemen, another frat bro to bestie for Joe. This man has brought the party, the people, and the love of a good political debate to many a function. What's more, due to his impressive style and charm he bestowed upon us a gift as great as his friendship... a hostess with the mostess, an angel sent straight from Michigan, his stunning wife, Morgan. You could say Carli and Joe's relationship was secured upon meeting these two and a few others mentioned here, at a birthday party Morgan threw for Kevin back in 2021... and you should say Welcome to the family you Irish Prince!
Callen Rose Jones
Bridesmaid
Calli and Carli, Carli and Calli. It's like if two twin beds were pushed together and instead of pushing them apart because you're two grown adults sharing a room abroad, you leave megabed as it is and instead dedicate your time to getting Friends episodes on Croatian Netflix... or something like that. Callen is the Bird Girl to our brides Horse Girl, the other twin bed in the aforementioned tale that is absolutely true, and most impressively, she's one of four reasons Carli lasted in DC as long as she did. *For other 3 reasons see bridesmaids above* Therapist by day, dancing queen by night, Cal is like Snow White if Snow grew out her hair, got a few tattoos, and had a pension for freezing m&m's and eating them grouped by color... blue first obviously. Not to mention Calli's history of making Joe feel like the absolute belle of the ball whenever they're out and about. You can often find Cal in the middle of the bar, shoulder to shoulder with our one and only Joe, letting him know just how safe he makes everyone feel...*Hold for tears and applause* It's true, without Callen there would be no Carli & Joe, for who knows if Carli would've stayed in DC long enough without Cal there, convincing her that "Yes the cherry blossoms are worth it" all the while making Joe feel like he's Liam freaking Neeson. Give a round of applause to the OG Cool girl herself, Callen Rose Jones
Eamon El-Sawaf
Groomsman
Have you ever been sitting at home, all comfy clothes and popcorn, ready to turn on your favorite show, only to realize it's about to be a cross over episode with BOTH your favorite shows coming together in one?! Meet Eamon El-Sawaf, famed Rugby player of the Washington Irish, lover of brightly colored Hawiian shirts, and Carli and Joe's very own "crossover" episode. That's right people, not only has Eamon been one of Joe's greatest friends and teammates since 2018 but he was quite possibly one of the best dates *gasp!* turned cherished pal that Carli has ever had the pleasure of going on during her DC days. Legend has it that Eamon's wise and well-timed words of "do NOT screw this up" perfectly preceding Joe's first date with Carli, was what led Joe to in fact... Not screw it up. Because of this we are all gathered here today. So let's have three cheers and many celebratory shots in honor of the one and only Master Meme sender, man of muscle (do not pass up a squeeze to that bicep!) and beloved uncle to the cutest Bengals fan around, The Irish's very own Eamon El-Sawaf. We couldn't have done it without you!
Jennifer O'Ryan
Bridesmaid
At this point every single one of you has met, heard of, or questioned Carli's allegiance to Joe after meeting her original life partner... Jenny. Best friends since 2001 when they met on the monkey bars at Merryhill Elementary, Carli and Jenny have been inseparable for the last 23 years... ask the Unicorn suit they BOTH tried to fit into one fateful day in 2003 (and were cut out of later). While they may live hundreds of miles apart, they often say they share the same heart and brain cell. And what a brain cell it must be since Jenny has excelled at every single thing she has taken on for the last 29 years from coloring inside the lines in first grade, to now, well on her way to becoming the world's best LCSW. You might be thinking "what an unlikely pair these two make," but for all their differences in organization, timeliness, and sense of style... their friendship is as rare as a two headed unicorn and twice as magical. Please welcome Jennifer, Joe's biggest competition and Carli's getaway car driver, personal assignment reminder, and emergency contact of 12 years. We love you, but not as much as Carli’s mom has loved you keeping her alive for the past 23 years and change. For inquiries about joining The Lady Bug Club est. 2002 please keep all questions to yourself, the founding members capped their member limit at 3 after it was HEAVILY implied that Natalie Cortopassi be allowed to join due to blood ties to the co-founder. Xoxo C.C and J.O.
Ryan Sullivan
Groomsman
It doesn't matter whether you call him Ryan, Sully, or The Sultan of Swag, like the bat signal to batman, Ryan too answers the call of a good time. Need to debate the structural integrity of a beam? Discuss the merits of hair gel to hair mousse? Or debate which airline card gets you the best miles to spending ratio? Well you may not, but Joe certainly has over the past few years and Sully has always been there. Just ask that hot tub they tried to fix... I hear they were both in their matching Washignton Irish "Noodle bags." *pictures available upon request.* Yes, our sweet Ryan has shied away from a topic as many times as he's shied away from a party... and the count on both remains zero. We have it on good authority that when Joe and Carli asked him to host their cross country engagement party he not only agreed, but manned the infamous Green Egg until nary a 'dog, sausage, or brat could be found ungrilled. What's more, when invited to Joe's surprise backyard birthday party on the coldest day of the year (if not decade), he arrived emphatically and on time, dressed head to toe in furs, his gorgeous bride Alex Palmer-Sullivan in tow. He brought not only the ~vibe~ but the elegance of previously named "backayrd bash" to soiree levels seen only by the met gala itself. We'd say put your hands together for the one and only, but he'd prefer you all stand and give a slight but respectfully apt bow, to the man with a fully baked plan, Ryan Sullivan.
Bo Krzyminski
Bridesmaid
I ask you this, have you ever met someone in real life and every quote about greatness coming in small packages comes flooding front of mind? Ringing in at around 5 feet, one syllable, and thicker hair than fabio... I give you The Bo. It turns out GW churns out just as many bridesmaids as it does therapists, for once again that's where Carli met Bo and decided she was keeping her... or maybe it was the other way around. Neither one can really remember but they'll blame that on the raging ADHD between them. Once these two settled their differences on the U of O vs THE Ohio State debacle (formerly known as The 2016 Rose Bowl) it was all sleepovers, movie quotes, and hair washes in the kitchen (you try and wash fabio level locks with short arms and a spine from satan himself). Bo may have fled DC long before Carli, but that only led to the two increasing their flights per year quota and in one instance, Carli seeing her first great lake and promptly calling it "The Ocean". Not only has Bo gifted Carli and Joe years of friendship from both her and her fabulous husband and former Carlyle Dilf, but what's more and most important, is she has given Carli the greatest gift of all... her very own psuedo-bebes and smallest besties, Benesh and Kit. Without further adieu we introduce you to the heavyweight champion of friendship herself, single handedly bringing 4 of her name to the group, Bo Krzyminski
Andrew Buenning
Groomsman
Chicago's known for many things; The most important may be up for debate but you know what's not? The fact that it's home to the Chicago dog, the Chicago Bears, and everyones favorite sweet talker extraordinaire with enough charm to choke a horse... our very own Ukranian Stallion Drew B. Like a friendship story straight out of a fairytale, we're pretty sure Drew and Joe met in a field of dreams at an EDM festival far far way. Both probably covered in glitter, their pashmina's dancing in the wind. Whether or not this is entirely true (it is) doesn't matter nearly as much as sweet Drewsef's unwavering friendship. Every journey to Chicago Carli and Joe have taken has been done and dusted with the help of their very own blue-eyed, blond haired bombshell of a tour guide. This tall drink of water comes with enough shopping, eating, and sightseeing recommendations to keep even these two lovebirds entertained for hours on end. If that weren't enough, look no further for your intellectually stimulating conversations on F1, all things Kansas University, and what's the best car to drive if you want to feel something. (He'll say BMW but ask him for yourself) We can't wait for you to fall in love with the 6th Skarsgaard brother, we give you Drew Buenning
Mackenzie Gazdik
Bridesmaid
There is no greater friend than a sister, there is no greater ally against said sister than your very own back up and buffer all in one... a cousin. More specifically a "kissing cousin" if like Carli, Mack and Nat, your Omi was a proud German woman first and a master of the English language maybe third, fourth or fifth. Having grown up together eating dumplings and riding horses... yes, you read that line right carry on... these two gals were two peas in one pod. Sure Carli was older and Mackenzie wiser, but that doesn't mean either of them passed up any opportunity to live their lives to the fullest, as long as the other was down to do it too. Whether it be something as wholesome as rolling down the rain-soaked hills of the Motherland screaming The Hills are Alive With Music or something a bit more... character building... as celebrating a win with a visiting Rugby team in the classy establishment you may know as O'Connells. Carli couldn't imagine drinking from "the boot" without her right hand horse girl, much less get married without her there to test it out first. And what's more, without Mackenzie and her hot hunk o'man Jon, Joe would be one pair of cowboy boots short and a hell of a lot less confident in his hairline. Let's have a Pröst, a Toast, and a Slanté for old times sake, to Mackenzie “Melman" Gazdik.
Lizzie Case
Bridesmaid
You know those roommates you meet in college...the one's that start out thinking they're signing up for a year or so of friendly co-living and end up getting season tickets time and time again for the sold out show that is the rest of your life? I give you, Lizzie "Life Partner" Case. Carli and Lizzie met at U of O and depending on which one you talk too, you'll soon realize that neither could've made it out of that fully-baked UC Granola campus without each other. Whether it was crafts on the floor of Carli's bedroom, late night snacks in one very illustrious Gamma Phi Beta kitchen, or snuggle sesh's debriefing the night before in Lizzie's pillow infested cloud bed... Carli and Lizzie could be found together, yapping... and almost always discussing what their plan for breakfast was going to be. Foodies at heart, sisters in spirit, and soul mates of the highest order, Lizzie and Carli now live miles apart... But that hasn't stopped them from continuing to fill each other in on every detail of their lives while tirelessly convincing each other that "bad ideas" are really quintessential character building exercises that make for the best memories... like running an SF Spartan race before an all day mimosa marathon to celebrate Lizzie's 25th birthday OR getting married to a man instead of living with all your girlies, sharing closets and doing each others hair... verdicts still out but Joe has his fingers crossed that Lizzie and the other bridesmaids will eventually come around.
Cort Carlson
Bridesman
It's rare you and your S.O. fight over one another's family members; You debate whose side they're going to stand on or what bach- party they're going to attend because, to be honest, you both just love them so much. It's rare yes, but someone better remind Joe who his soon to be wife is because when it comes to her Cortyorty there's only one outcome... and it's her reigning victorious over any who dare come between them. Cort, the consumate "other brother" and legal advisor to the Cortopassi sisters. He may not have lived with Carli officially or made her sign any contracts in regards to her own personal safety, but he has accompanied her on many attempted sneak outs, sneak ins, and even the occasional sneak around. He may not have been her fellow horse girl, bird girl, or girly girl (not for lack of trying) but he never batted an eye at dressing up, showing out, or getting down. Whether it be on the dance floor or in the living room, performing a 3 man version of Broadways very own Wicked. Perhaps most impressively, Cort and Carli have gotten Natalie stuck in a tree, stranded in a lake, and half way down a laundry shoot all while maintaining her love and trust... if that's not the definition of everlasting friendship than they probably don't want it because it sounds pretty bland. There's clearly not much these two haven't seen, done, or debated their way out of together and Carli doesn't plan on starting that trend now, no matter who Joe tries to trade... ;)
Natalie Cortopassi
Maid of Honor
Let's cut to the chase, you've made it this far so clearly you've got chutzpah and we are firm believers in saving the best for last in this house. Please welcome to the proverbial stage, Natalie Marie Cortopassi, sister to the bride and "Her Supreme Ruler" to the groom. There are not enough hours in the day to aptly describe the accolades, interests, and talents of the youngest Cortopassi sister, not to mention the 1500 character limit, so for the sake of time and the emotional stability of the reader I will say only this. If there was a housefire and I only had time to grab one thing, it would be Natalie. If Natalie wasn't there, I would grab the last Christmas gift she made me which happens to be a portrait of my beloved Flo, Levi, & I because not only is she the smartest woman alive she also happens to be a disgustingly talented artist. If for some reason that gift was already out of the house, I would grab the framed picture of us dancing in my Aunt Deedee's living room. She could be the love child of Shakira & Usher with those moves AND she's the only person I know who can rock a bowl cut while wearing a poncho as a sleeveless dress and that evidence needs to be preserved. If none of these things were in the house, I would grab nothing at all. I would be too busy calling my baby sister telling her how ridiculous Joe looks toting a fire extinguisher because she would agree and know exactly what I need to do. She is everything to me and you're lucky to meet her.