Wedding Party
Ian Horwood
Dual Best Man
"Never count the big man out!" - Uncle Dave Ian Horwood, aka Ian Horrible, has known the groom since he was a snot-nosed 7-year-old fresh off the boat from New Zealand. Ian is a self-made man and an "old dog" at heart. He speaks fluent Spanish, was a truck driver for 2 years, raised a pit bull that only knows Spanish commands, and now lives in Boston as a mutual fund tycoon. He has seen Robby and Claire through thick and thin and the only thing bigger than his personality is his height - he is a giant at 6'-6"! By the way ladies, he is single!
James Fish
Dual Best Man
James and Robby first met at the age of 5. A time when James's father, Big Jim Colosimo, specifically instructed him not to play with Robby since he was a bad influence and a troublemaker! Thankfully he didn't listen. James and Robby have been on countless adventures and were the evil masterminds behind many nefarious schemes. These days James is an American at a French company in New York, where he spends his time feeling out of place since his dietary needs consist of something other than wine, coffee, cigarettes, and fine cheese. He is capable of eating more food than anyone Robby has ever seen and constantly enjoys reminding Robby that he is the "short friend" out of the Robby-James-Ian best friend trio which has caused Robby to develop lifelong case of "short man syndrome."
Hannah LeBlond
Maid of Honor
Hannah is Claire’s cousin, though the two insist that they are actually twin sisters (identical, obviously). Hannah works in ministry and, as of this year, is a published author. Claire, Hannah, and Hannah’s siblings, Ethan and Seth, grew up together. Their childhood accomplishments include the rescue of stuffed lizards from the clutches of evil organizations and the debut of their film, “The 10 Most Unfortunate Ways to Die.” Hannah and Claire have retired from the lizard-rescuing and morbid film-making businesses but are always on the lookout for new projects that spark their imaginations.
Makenna Huey
Bridesmaid
Makenna (also known as Kenna Kei) has known Claire since their first day of high school, when they were introduced by a mutual friend on their way to Geometry class. Don't let her sweet demeanor fool you. The closer you become with Makenna, the more likely she is to unleash her sharp wit against you. Overhearing a sarcasm-heavy and insult-laden phone call between Makenna and Claire leaves the listener confused as to whether the two are friends or enemies. Claire interprets this as a sign of their friendship though Makenna would assure you otherwise. She would just call Claire a bewildered peasant.
Thor Barrera
Groomsman
This God of Thunder has many talents. He is a former professional tennis player, classical guitarist and sushi maker, and is absolutely fearless in front of a crowd. Thor first encountered Robby during the fateful semester of his first physics electronics class, forever altering their lives. After the mutual decision that building a coilgun for the class project was an awesome idea, despite the risk of electrocution, Thor and Robby became fast friends. Though it was Thor's plan to lure Robby to the dark side and convince him to major in Physics, he also witnessed the complete transformation of Robby from a typical "bro-engineer" to mad scientist. Thor and Robby then spent the next 5 years of their lives doing underground secret research which resulted in a published research paper.
Ulric Parks
Groomsman
Ulric is a large, charismatic Danish guy with an even larger beluga whale belly (not really). Ulric has a few questionable traits that Robby has also succumbed to such as impersonating anyone he meets with extreme exaggeration of their character, and coming up with the most ridiculous sounding insults. One of the first things that Ulric and Robby bonded over was Ulric's rafting adventures, of which he is famous for. Robby is the chief oarsman, and one summer Ulric even awarded Robby with his very own raft, after Robby toiled for 20 hours cleaning out the rat turds in Ulric's attic. Ulric complains the least about Robby's cooking adventures, and will eat anything that contains heaps of peanut butter.
Erika Heath
Bridesmaid
Erika is a 3rd grade teacher and photographer. She has amassed a collection of candid photos (blackmail) of Claire since their friendship began in middle school. Erika became friends with Robby in high school but didn’t introduce the pair then because she didn’t think they’d get along. Robby may never let Erika live this down. Robby and Claire eventually met in 2012 at a party hosted by Erika. Since the beginning of their friendship, Erika and Claire have covered songs and made music videos together (more blackmail) which luckily Erika has never shown to Robby or else he may never have proposed to Claire.
Marie Byrnes
Bridesmaid
Marie is Robby’s cousin though, like Hannah and Claire, Robby and Marie are virtual siblings and, after October 1st, she and Claire will be sisters-in-law. Marie works in Los Angeles editing movie trailers. In her free time, she creates digital and hand-drawn art and goes on daily runs, even when she’s on vacation. Robby and Claire have never joined her on a run as she usually starts at the crack of dawn and they would likely collapse after a half-mile. Stay tuned for her podcast on extraterrestrial conspiracy theories.
Surge Mistyuk
Groomsman
Surge is a fellow mad scientist who dreams of someday taking over the world. He also has the goal of teaching Robby the Russian language, so they can have secret evil conversations together. Robby, however, has been too lazy to learn more than 20 words in that angry sounding language. Surge is also a fearless adventurer, who enjoys luring people into going on hikes that often end up being twice as long as planned, or that could result a helicopter rescue. Yes, that actually happened! (Ask the Groom what hurts the most about a helicopter rescue). When he is not wandering to the ends of the earth, Surge and Robby share an equal mutual fascination of ancient scientific equipment and Russian pastries.
Christopher Keys
Groomsman
Yet another friend tall enough to ensure that Robby will remain height conscious for eternity. Having met at Sac State, Chris and his wife Elizabeth were among the few who assisted Robby during a time of great need: when he and Thor were struggling desperately to finish their electromagnetic weapons research before the paper submission deadline. Chris, Elizabeth, and Robby quickly bonded over their love of physics and disdain for Robby's arch nemesis: the Zero Vector. (Ask Robby or a groomsman if you actually wanna know who that is). Chris then became the ringleader in the hostile takeover of the physics club, of which he eventually named Robby the Vice President. Ever since then, Chris and Robby have been staunch allies who enjoy all things nerdy and fighting the bad guys.