Wedding Party
Alison Dickey
Maid of Honor
Rosie's older sister. She has been leading the way for Rosie in everything but height. Alison's brain's roommate is an actual, literal excel spread sheet. Doctor's are concerned how it got in there, and the media wants answers.
Michael Dickey
Groomsman
Rosie's brother-in-law. Michael has been a part of the Faustyn family seemingly forever. On top of all this, he seems to have not aged at all, leaving Chris to feel as though Michael is actually a figment of his imagination. He seems too good to be true, doesn't he? Great husband AND great father? Chris intends on sacrificing lots of time and money toward figuring out the truth. #ImaginaryMichael
Drew Schell
Best Man
Chris' older brother. Take Chris and multiply by 1.035 and that is pretty much Drew. Fun fact: Chris only grunted for the first 3 years of his life because, according to the "doctors", Drew was speaking for him. Chris intends on speaking for Drew from January 2026 to December 2028 in order to make up for the 3 years that Drew stole from him.
Sidney Schell
Bridesmaid
Friend of the bride. Also former roommate of the groom. Also sister-in-law of the groom. Also former roommate of the bride. Also current neighbor of both bride and groom. Also current vet to Chris and Rosie's dog. Also an ex-marine who did two tours in Vietnam.
Will Schell
Best Man
Chris' younger brother. Put Chris under a hydraulic press and that is pretty much Will. As a baby, Will never slept through the night until their parents moved all three of the brothers' beds into the same room. It remained that way for 16 years until Chris left for college in 2016. As we currently stand, Will has not slept through the night in over 9 years.
Allison Bishop
Bridesmaid
Chris' soon to be sister-in-law. With Will and Allison's engagement, Allison is on track to complete the Schell wife trifecta. We aren't sure what kind of cosmic powers will be unlocked when their knot gets tied, but something tells me it will involve a lot SpongeBob references.
Joe Faustyn
Groomsman
Rosie's broski. Joe, the economics graduate driven my logic and reason, likely finds Chris' Schell-isms quite perplexing. When Joe witnessed Chris proudly bring one backpack to a weekend wedding in Rhode Island, he was horrified to find that his suit was rolled up in his backpack "taquito style".
Natalie Faustyn
Bridesmaid
Rosie's sister-in-law. One oldest sister was just not enough for Rosie. She needed two. That's right, Natalie is an experienced oldest sister. Natalie and Allison are members of the Oldest Sister's Union (OSU) that meet monthly to discuss ways they can understand all things ever so they can be the first to explain them to their younger siblings.
Tucker Smith
Groomsman
Chris' brother-in-law (kind of?). This irrationally intense Broncos fan and new father is so kind that he would be willing to mentor you through an 8 week jujitsu course knowing full well that your ultimate intention is to beat him up and rob him. Chris plans on doing this tonight if Tucker arrives at the wedding on time (unlikely).
Cassie Smith
Bridesmaid
Rosie's brother's-in-law wife's sister-in-law. A better way to describe Cassie: a good friend of Rosie's. She's "Mama Cass" and has taken the "mom of the group role" to the next level by becoming a literal mother this year!
John Stay
Groomsman
John is the adopted Schell brother. WAY too tall to be a Schell, but we will overlook this due to his boisterous, absurdist nature. John planned on hiking with Chris for the first 3 weeks of Chris' A.T. adventure, but left after 5 days because of overuse injuries. He claims that Chris pushed the pace too hard and lied about the difficulty. During the 5th day of the hike, he threatened to "kill Chris". Chris still fears for his life today.
Madison Teeter
Bridesmaid
Rosie's Friend. Always a bridesmaid, never a guest. She thought she was going to finally get to be a guest when Chris and Rosie got engaged, after all, we'd only known each a few months. But unfortunately Madison's high energy, attention to detail , and fierce desire to help a friend out, made it absolutely impossible not to have her by our side!
David Kroll
Groomsman
Chris' long time friend, roommate, and personal shaman. Chris and David partake in such engaging conversations that the wisdom produced actually causes a lapse in the space-time continuum. This lapse is violently compressed into a point of infinite density: a black hole that swallows everything, earth included, with its gargantuan gravitational pull. For this reason Chris and David have received many threats in the form of letters from the HOA.
Cara McMahon
Bridesmaid
Rosie's good friend since high school. Cara always reminded Rosie, "we won't be friends after high school". Well, do you like apples? Cuz how bout THEM apples! Cara is 5 whole feet of 50% passion, 40% Long Island energy, and 10% glitter.
Timothy Boston
Groomsman
Chris' friend and the town pig doctor. I can't even make this sh*t up. He literally got his PhD a few weeks ago. In PIGS. Anyway, Chris and Tim hustled this summer heavily caffeinating millennials in Raleigh's historic Boylan Heights neighborhood at The Bike Library. Chris patiently waits for Tim to offer him the opportunity to get elbow deep in some pigs next summer.
Katie Craven
Bridesmaid
Rosie's friend. The seed of friendship began when Rosie sat front row in Econ 201 TA and Katie was her TA. You can almost always find Katie furiously cross-stitching, sippin' a diet coke and intensely pondering what Wooble to get for that new friend she just made at that house party last weekend.
