Shawn messaged Cailan on the Hinge dating app (it really is the dating app meant to be deleted but that could be said of all dating apps in the desolate ruins of the Los Angeles singles scene). While Shawn's profile left no prompt unanswered or character limit unmet (as this story will show), Cailan provided one-word responses and questionably out-of-date photos--EXCEPT ONE! taken at Xmas in front of a giant tree. Shawn's eyes bulged out of his head and he nearly fainted when he saw Cailan. (He would open the app 100x a day before they met and look at that photo, certain Cailan was a catfish as he could not believe she could be real.) "Gotta say, that's a top notch Xmas tree" he wrote, dripping with rizz, desperate to find anything to comment on her barren profile. Cailan took one look at Shawn’s CrossFit photo (and height) and messaged back immediately. Cailan and Shawn developed a quick and mutual (healthy?) obsession, finding eerie similarities in Cailan's Mom's name--Shaun--and her go-to recipe for baking--popovers, also Shawn's go-to. Shawn suggested a FaceTime call and when Cailan first appeared on screen, a replica of "The Kiss" by Gustav Klimt was behind her. Another God shot as Shawn had just eight months prior made a solo venture to Vienna to see his favorite painting in person--"The Kiss." They soon went on their first date which Shawn almost cancelled due to hospital-level food poisoning. He did not cancel though as he was certain Cailan would not give him an opportunity to make the date up. (verified) Somehow Shawn was able to make it through the date with no incidents--although he got an IV two days later (he would valiantly return to the same Van Nuys Burger King a few weeks after). That weekend, Cailan celebrated her grandfather's b-day with family. Her grandmother took one look at her and said, "You met someone." To be fair, Cailan is the worst at hiding something. This all occurred the week before Valentine's. For the lucky unfamiliar with LA dating, it is a tragic sin to show any interest in the other person in the first six months. Nevertheless, Shawn asked Cailan to be his Valentine in the first week and Cailan eagerly accepted, claiming she was going to ask him if he had not. (unverified) Within weeks, Shawn told Cailan he loved her first. Cailan did not respond "I love you" back, claiming she did not want it to feel like she was saying it just because he said it. (also unverified) And while Shawn is obviously the one writing this story (and enjoying speaking in the third person more than you can believe), Shawn loves the fact that Shawn was the one who took the giant leaps first. Shawn will always have that. Shawn loves that. Shawn loves that very much. The relationship continued this rapid course and led to Shawn asking Cailan's father, Rich, for Cailan's hand in marriage in December last year. He said, "Yes" (obvi). Shawn and Cailan were headed to AZ for New Year's. Shawn enjoyed making Cailan wonder when he was going to pop the question even though she had no idea about his meeting with her father or that anything was even planned. At each moment she thought it should happen—a Grand Canyon backdrop, enjoying the beauty of Sedona, a surprise stay at the Enchantment Resort and a sunset NYE dinner overlooking the mountains--Cailan became more and more confused with each missed opportunity. Shawn thoroughly enjoyed watching his doofus struggle. After the NYE dinner she was dejected, thinking it certainly should have happened then, and asked, “What do you want to do now?” while thinking of where to hide his body. Little did the doofus know Shawn’s plan. They were escorted back to their room (or so Cailan thought) on a golf cart. The cart pulled up to a fire pit with stringed lights and candles. Cailan, of course, immediately began to laugh uncontrollably realizing what was about to happen. Before Shawn could even get the question out, Cailan started saying “Yes! Yes! Yes!”