No. While we expect everyone will want to dress nicely, the entire day will be outside, so be sure to wear grass-friendly footwear.
Yes. There will be transportation on Saturday to and from both hotels in Poughkeepsie, the Poughkeepsie Metro North Station, and downtown Rhinebeck.
No. While the clearing where the ceremony will be was in fact goat-plowed, said goats will not be invited to the actual event. Sad for them and for you.
Yes. There is parking on premises.
Actually, yes. There will be time allotted between the ceremony and dinner for various lawn games (can jam, corn hole, etc.) during which frisbee playing will be STRONGLY encouraged. In fact, the bride has promised to fully layout into the pool to catch a frisbee wearing her wedding dress.
Delicious as they are, the wedding will be catered, so there is no need for guests to bring their own fruit. That being said, caterers need numbers to plan ahead (and weddings are expensive!), so unfortunately we cannot give out open plus ones. We hope you understand.
First of all, we assume you're asking this question while already attending the wedding, so get off your phone and go dance, idiot! To your point, though, most likely the children you're seeing are Katie's numerous niblings of which she has 13. They all used to be very cute, but now they're only kind of cute.
We will be undertaking a full de-aardvarking of the premises during the week leading up to the wedding. That being said, we cannot and will not, and frankly, cannot be held responsible for any aardvark-related incidents.
Tom Lupke Sr. typically cannot leave Michigan without multiple growlers of his favorite Sun King or Ironbark beers. This weekend is no exception...except: bigger party, bigger beers (aka kegs). Tom Sr. (and Tom Zacharia) want to make clear that they are not responsible for the copious amounts of Miller High Life.
Ever heard of Zachys? Well they are the Zacharia family business and will be supplying all of the wine. A corkage fee of one frisbee, launched directly at your right kidney, will be charged for each liter of outside alcohol you deign to bring onto the premises. If you do not have a right kidney, corkage is free.
While the barn does indeed have a pool, swimming is not a scheduled part of the day's festivities. The key word here is "scheduled," however, and, knowing you fools, we're not ruling anything out.
If you have your heart set on a wedding party hook-up, look no further than Adam aka Business Sam. Adam is a Mainer and a Virgo who likes working out, showing off his bed head, losing to Ben in Magic: the Gathering, reading, and plotting ways to terrify the living daylights out of the bride. Gentlemen only; ladies, inquire elsewhere.
Yes. Mikey, our officiant, has been given complete leeway to verbally abuse any guests who look bored, are falling asleep, or otherwise displease him while he is discharging his duties. We expect that the threat of this treatment will be more than enough to keep even an Adderall-free Jojo engaged, however it is wisest to stay alert and enraptured. Sunglasses are encouraged.
Taoist proverbs tell us: "The journey is the reward." Miley Cyrus adds: "Ain't about how fast I get there. Ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb."
Unfortunately, the bride is vehemently against balloon arches of any kind, so there won't be any.
Get over it.
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today.
The policy as written states: No golf playing may be undertaken by any persons born with names shared with popes, kings, queens, presidents, supreme court justices, garbage collectors, sloths, marmalade manufacturers, candy bars, or characters from lesser Shakespeare plays. Or Scott. There is an appendix of some 100 exceptions, but there isn't space to include said exceptions here. Suffice it to say, there are courses nearby with no such onerous ordinances. However, putting in the high grass is acceptable.
As we do not want to be blamed for the untimely deaths of any of our guests, we will permit unsilenced diabetes even during the ceremony. We do request, however, that you work with your pancreas to be as accommodating as possible.
We will direct all mankini-related questions to John Kowalczuk and Glenn Berke. Either may be interested, for the right price...
Proposed hashtags include: #gollumalwaysgetsthering #butkatiealwaysgetsherway #whatsonemoregingerchildgoingtohurt and #pleasedonotmistakethegroomforthecakeandcuthimforhehashemophiliaandwouldlikelydie So, no. We’re not using a hashtag.
You never know with Felix; it all depends on how disciplined Ben is and how much he has for dinner. As for Buddy, we predict his appearance would lead to an abrupt end of the festivities and possibly a new record for how quickly a divorce can be scheduled.