Wedding Party
Crystal Bateman
Bride
Joe Freund
Groom
Bruce Bateman
Father of the Bride
Part time Spongebob collector, full time goofy goober. Crystal’s dad is known to many as the gadget guy, a tech guru or a silly goose. But his most preferred descriptor is…handsome.
Joann Freund
Mother of the Groom
Joann is the best mother a man could ever ask for. She is also a retired librarian, former lifeguard, avid gardener, and bird enthusiast. She curates an extensive collection of embarrassing childhood photos of her offspring that she will provide on a moment’s notice.
Charlotte Chang
Mother of the Bride
As a first generation Asian American, Charlotte has made it a point to teach Crystal about their heritage. From mastering dumpling-making techniques to encouraging academic excellence, Charlotte has always been a source of inspiration.
Dwight Freund
Father of the Groom
Professor emeritus, man of letters, master of puzzles, intermittent bookseller, polyglot. He is known for his Passover symposia and wide-ranging screeds. A secret auction for invitations to both will be held at some point after the ceremony.
Bob Ehlers
Step-Dad of the Bride
A father not only the Bateman-Ehlers clan, but also to his mini and not-so-mini schnauzers, Holly and Stuey. This Brady Bunch family knows who the favorite child is among the five human kids and two fur babies - It’s Stuey.
Maren Norton
Officiant
Maren and the groom served together in Stanford’s student government, and since that time her utter disregard for nonsense and strong moral compass have always inspired him. She inducted him into the “Edible 8,” who have remained inseparable since their university days – and many of whom will be in attendance.
Zoe Ehlers
Maid of Honor
Crystal's younger sister. She's a legendary saxophone player, the brains of the family, and the world's #1 cheese lover. Zoe and her fiancé Troy are getting married this year also!
Sam Freund
Best Man
Sam, the groom’s older brother, is an enigma. He is an enigma so inscrutable that he cannot be described – only experienced.
Marci Bateman
Maid of Honor
Crystal's older sister. She's a pro gamer and chronically online. She once made a powerpoint presentation ranking all the fast food chains in America. Ask her if she wants to go to the casino.
James Hamlin
Best Man
James and the groom share a friendship that spans journeys across the world, business ventures, and almost 20 years in San Francisco. They also share a love of continental philosophy and retro video games. James is more than just a handsome face. How much more? Find out for yourself.
Hannah Tyler
Bridesmaid
Crystal's college roommate and first LA friend. She's a Seattle native. When she's not missing her cats you can find her taking film photos, working on a creative project or making the best chicken dinner you'll ever have in your life.
Steve Peace
Groomsman
Raconteur. Bon Vivant. Hollywood Steve has spent a year in Chad building infrastructure and has ridden his motorcycle from Los Angeles to Cartagena. Steve once broke another man’s arm during an armwrestling match at a wedding. Hopefully he won’t repeat that performance.
Katelyn Gardner-Kelley
Bridesmaid
Crystal's college other roommate and first LA friend. Katie and Hannah Tyler come as a package deal. She's a Seattle native and an incredible artist. If you're smart you'd get a piece commissioned. She recently had her gallbladder removed. And fun fact she was a black belt in karate.
Josh Hunter
Groomsman
Josh was the groom’s first, and best, friend in elementary school. First and foremost he is a devoted husband and father and is an all around good guy. It is said that Josh is one of the world’s leading scholars, focusing primarily on 80s-90s era American professional wrestling.
Kyle Dallape
Bridesman
Crystal and Kyle met in college and have over a decade of friendship and adventures under their belts. As a retired theater kid, he can perform all of Wicked and Les Mis. Ask him to do a tarot reading for you, he is truly gifted. Kyle and his fiancé Grant are getting married this year as well!
Brian Schroer
Groomsman
Brian first met Joe under the full moon at a neo-pagan festival held in a secret canyon in the Sierra Nevada mountains. Two long years later, he took a room at Joe’s notorious “Floppy Flophouse” in San Francisco’s famed Mission district, where he joined an illustrious group of current and former denizens known as “Team 571”. Many jager-bombs were consumed and much fun was had. During his time there, Brian curated the People Who Look Like Joe Tumblr blog, which still may exist in the Way Back Machine if you search hard enough. Over a decade after those formative years, Brian has shared many adventures with Joe in San Francisco, across California, and all the way to Europe. Brian is grateful to play a role in Joe and Crystal’s wedding and looks forward to more adventures with them in the years ahead.
Hannah Sidener
Bridesmaid
Crystal met Hannah for the first time at Disneyland for Katie's 19th birthday. To us she is known as Hannah 2. She's a bowling champion, makes the most amazing vegan cakes, and can take up any hobby and be good at it in a week. She could probably beat you at any video game too.
Chung Leung
Groomsman
Chung is a skilled musician, talented visual artist, competitive powerlifter, and policy wonk. He is singularly adept at viciously denigrating the groom and hones this skill frequently. Despite this, they became friends during Chung’s time in San Francisco and because of it they have remained close in the years thereafter.
Takeko Horiuchi
Bridesmaid
Seattle native currently living in New York, Taki spends her days working on her pottery and drawing skill. Her favorite party trick is making balloon animals. She once sold Crystal a fake ID. Sorry mom.
Simba Khadder
Groomsman
Simba Khadder was born in the eye of a storm on a rusted freighter bound for Tangier, cradled by saltwater and raised by wolves that smelled faintly of whiskey and revolution. By the age of twelve, he had outwrestled a bear in the Carpathians, learned to play the cello from a blind monk in Kyoto, and briefly served as the ambassador to a nation that doesn’t exist on any map. He writes code like it’s poetry and drinks espresso like it’s the blood of his enemies. Simba is a man of unshakable loyalty, volcanic passion, and suspiciously good hair. He is here today, not just as a groomsman, but as a testament to friendship forged in the fire of impossible adventures — and late nights with Joe Freund that began as philosophical debates and ended with them watching the sunrise in total, dangerous silence. Some say they were just close. Others say the air between them crackled like a cigarette before a kiss. Either way, when Joe called, Simba didn’t just say yes; he rode a horse bareback through a thunderstorm to be here.
Mike Bruckel
Usher
Coworker of the groom. World traveler, inveterate foodie, tiki aficionado, and master chef. In the years they’ve worked together Joe has been a consistently terrible influence on Mike and Mike has provided him a much-needed conscience.
Shannon Dunn
Groomsman
Likes trains.
Wayne Koepcke
Usher
Coworker of the groom. In an industry generally regarded as a sea of contentiousness, Wayne is the proverbial island of good nature. Wayne is also a man of many pursuits ranging from standard (biking) to niche (go-kart racing) to altogether unexpected (sewing).
David Burban
Usher
Coworker of the groom. Mythical 10x engineer in the flesh. Burban’s likes include disregarding the speed limit, DIY gadgetry, and letting people know why they are wrong. His dislikes include bureaucracy and governance in general.
Grant Jacobson
Flower Man
Grant is a cornerstone of our group, rightfully dubbed “Brawl City.” While the rest of us are busy fighting like siblings, Grant stays calm and keeps us all grounded. As a fellow fiancé tying the knot this year, a proud Gaga devotee, and a Sailor Moon enthusiast, it’s no surprise that Crystal and Grant are kindred spirits.
Julian Freund
Ring Bearer
Joe's nephew Julien is an exemplary kid which is why he is the only one invited.