Getting engaged is like getting to the first hill of the roller coaster

Interviewer: You two love birds met on the popular dating app Hinge, what made you join the dating service? Arthur: A few years ago, after ending my prior relationship, I wanted to meet someone of substance and heard good things about Hinge. So one night on the couch bored I saw the commercial for Hinge and downloaded the app, not really thinking much would come from it. Didn’t meet anyone worthwhile until years later when I met Jai! Jarvis: I was still in the Navy at the time, and I was at work on a Sunday, and as usual nothing was happening so me and a few other sailors were having conversations about relationships and how dating now is so different since social media has such a chokehold on society. I added my two cents about gay dating apps being all about one thing (yall know) so I just don’t bother. My friend James then told me about Hinge being an app for both gay, straight, and anything else under the sun, but the people that were on the app are of substance, because of the way the app set’s up the profile and the questions. I was intrigued but still a bit skeptical, but why not? So, I downloaded it immediately Sunday, matched with Arthur that evening, chatted with him throughout Monday, and decided to meet Tuesday. Interviewer: When it was time to meet in person, what were your 1st impressions? Jarvis: First, I knew he was completely over me because I took forever, but time just isn’t my thing. He still greeted me with a smile and chill vibe. We had great conversation, and he made me comfortable because the truth is people be weird but we both took a chance and really enjoyed our chemistry without forcing it. It was something so very honest, and authentic in that moment that people just can’t fake. But he did tell me I was a catfish though, but at least he said cute catfish. Arthur: CATFISH lol, I didn’t think he looked like his pictures, but he was cute, and I guess if I squinted a little he looked like the guy in the photos. Cute or not, I didn’t think he was serious because he kept changing the time because he was taking all day in the shower, I thought he was lying but if you know him you know he takes extremely long showers lol. Interviewer: Two weeks after you started dating, the two of you made your relationship “official”, what did you see in one another to make that commitment? Arthur: Its nothing like a man with a plan, Jai saw something for us that would have taken me years to figure out he has the kind of big heart that can swallow you whole. In two weeks, I saw a strong glimpse of what could be, so I went for it. Jarvis: I immediately saw his heart and how selfless he was but more importantly the transparency of ourselves, feelings, emotions, and understanding that we shared while being very realistic with one another. When you know you just know, I saw someone in front of me really allow themselves to be bare and let go of unnecessary stipulations. That energy and vulnerability made the decision so easy for me! Interviewer: Time waits for no one, and we seem to live in a time now where things move and change so quickly. So how do you both deal when it comes to the critics saying you two are moving pretty quick while finding the balance to enjoy one another and this newfound love. Arthur: Honestly, I tune it out, goes in one ear and out the other, it’s not our responsibility to explain our love. We met, fell in love and are now getting married; we can’t control where life takes us but we plan on figuring it out together.

Jarvis: It’s very important to understand that everyone is going to have an opinion and it’s ok, I know not every comment or opinion comes from a negative place. Honestly, we are finding our groove and balance. We have a rare newfound love that is beautiful and something that we are enjoying building but we can't exclude that it will not be all sunny days. We know exactly what we have our sites on and the reality of what that looks like as a unit. Interviewer: Coming from two separate worlds and now living together, what would you both say has been the most challenging aspect. Arthur: I think finding understanding, before passing judgement based on our response and/or reaction to situations, it’s sometimes hard to take a step back and try and gain perspective. What he does isn’t always wrong and what I do isn’t always right. Jarvis: For me the most challenging aspect has been sitting with the feeling of opening my doors and allowing someone in that is going to ask questions, make you uncomfortable at times, prying, and having to explain things to. After years of being single and becoming familiar with myself and my space, I forgot what it felt like to share that same space with someone you really care for. It wasn’t easy at first. Interviewer: Being a part of one another’s life for a year now, what have you learned from each other? Arthur: I have learned balance, I am use to moving how I want to, now that I have someone to push back a little and it has been good for me…good for us and learning how to give a little, it’s the art of the compromise. Jarvis: To elaborate from my last answer a bit more, one of the things I have learned is patience. Through sharing space with Arthur patience and grace are two of the things I had to learn to give Arthur and myself, and it sound so simple but with the stresses of life and loved ones and friends, sometimes we forget to be patient and give grace to ourselves and others. Also don’t let any moment pass you by, which he reminds me of often, no matter good or bad any moment is worth memories, allow yourself just to be present. Interviewer: On the rapper Wale’s album, “The Album About Nothing” there is an outro to the song “The Matrimony” with Jerry Seinfeld and he said “marriage is like you decide to jump off of your planet, across to another planet. And you can only do it when one planet passes real close. And you look and you go, “Hey, I think I can jump across.” Jerry also says in the intro “It’s going to be new, you’re going to have a new life, you’re gonna be a new person”. Do you think the two of you are ready for the jump to become new people? Arthur: I hope so! You dream about the moment you find your person to hopefully grow old with. Ready or not we are going to do it together, I cant wait to see the new people we become. Jarvis: Growth is something that is very important to me and I try to work at it daily. The thought of it is scary but at the same time exciting, because the beauty of it is....we do not have to do this alone or with just one another. We have family, and friends that are family, and a good therapist! The fact of the matter is that we are forever changing, it’s inevitable, but to be able to do it with a foundation, a partner, and a love that can’t be moved from all parties involved makes the jump and the ride worth it!