Well, it all started when the King summoned Sir Knight Jonas of the Oklahoma Valley to slay the Great Drake of the Southwest, which had been terrorizing the city. He would embark on a perilous journey from Denver, Colorado—the City of Flannel—through the Painfully Flatlands of Kansas to the King’s Castle in the Southwest Valley before the Drake could claim the lands as her own. He knew the journey would be a dangerous one, filled with great enemies, scorching weather, and minor inconveniences, but alas, it was the journey he was born to make. He prepared himself for passage as any noble knight of his caliber would, by packing a surplus of the magic leaf that had been handpicked with intention. He who intakes the magic leaf will be blessed with the art of a shrunken ego and will not be bothered by anyone who stands in his way. ’Tis also a great bargaining tool. As he ripped through the terrain, he thought to himself, “Eh, it isn’t that bad,” not understanding why so many had tried to convince him that the voyage would be a suicide mission. He shrugged his shoulders and continued toward the Southwest, with the Great Drake sinking ever deeper into his mind. (Elsewhere) Lady Bleu of the Southwest Valley was in trouble of her own. She was stuck in the Twisty Mountains of Washington State, waiting hand and foot on a coterie of fools to whom she felt obligated to serve. Until one day, she had an overwhelming urge to break free from her prison and fly like the raven she sang to each morning. Lady Bleu had to think quickly. She had caught wind of Sir Knight Jonas’s expedition and felt herself qualified to assist in the battle of good and evil, for she had been involved in one herself for many a year. She cast down her apron and whistled a whistle unheard by anyone before—a tune of such purity that it summoned the Prime Eagle, king of all eagles, who then swooped down from the sky, crashing through the walls of her prison, and bowed its head in front of Lady Bleu. As puzzled as the coterie was, she hoisted her leg over the eagle’s back, saying, “Peace out, fools,” and with a whistle, they were off into the sky to find Sir Knight Jonas and aid in his quest. (Meanwhile) Sir Knight Jonas had made it to the Castle, entering the halls in awe of the disgusting display of wealth, and thought to himself whether he even wanted to help the King in the removal of the Great Drake. But he had come this far and figured, “Eh, what the hell.” As Sir Knight Jonas approached the steps below the King’s throne, the King demanded that he kneel before him. This was taken with a grain of salt by Sir Knight Jonas. “I have traveled far and wide to answer your call, and seeing as I am the only one who gives a cockadoodle about your Drake problem, I do believe you should be the one to kneel before me.” The King, thunderstruck by the gumption of Sir Knight Jonas, simply said, “Kill him.” As a mound of soldiers surrounded Sir Knight Jonas, Lady Bleu, atop the Prime Eagle, burst through the windows of the castle in a most dramatic entrance. “I am here to rescue you, Sir Knight Jonas of the Oklahoma Valley!” “Dope,” replied Sir Knight Jonas as he climbed aboard the eagle. They began their ascension, and Lady Bleu let out a whistle that transcended space and time, shattering the very bones of every individual within the castle walls, reducing them to mere dust particles. Lady Bleu and Sir Knight Jonas looked up at one another, trying to configure what their next move would be, when Sir Knight Jonas said, “So, what if we got married and turned the castle into a museum of natural history? Keep the dragon.” “Keep the dragon?” “Yeah, keep the dragon.” “Cool.” “Cool.” And so they did! Peace and harmony were restored to the Valley, and Sir Knight Jonas and Lady Bleu lived happily ever after in a cave with their new dragon buddy, whom they named Sassafrass. Fin.