FAQs

Question

I think I should be the one marrying Rachel/Adam. Who do I talk to about this?

Answer

This is a common problem. Simply write a letter of complaint to President Donald Trump, and he will make sure to push it through the proper government channels until your desires have been satisfied.

Question

Will the ceremony be long and boring?

Answer

No. The ceremony will be short and ballin'.

Question

I have nut, shellfish, egg, milk, soy, wheat or another food allergy. Will you provide food that is safe for me?

Answer

Yes! Wait... no. You'll have to bring your own. Also, bring an epi pen just to be safe.

Question

What if I have a low liquor accumen and cannot pace myself at open bars?

Answer

Good question, and a popular one! You will need to learn to hold your drinks prior to the celebration. The happy couple recommends: (Six weeks prior to reception) Consume at least two drinks per day on week days, and a minimum of five drinks per day on weekends. (Two weeks prior to reception) Consume your normal two drink per day minimum, and increase weekend drinking to 'binge' levels, racking up 12 to 15 drinks on both Friday and Saturday, with a 'comedown' phase of at least four drinks on Sunday.

Question

Is there a hotel you recommend for guests?

Answer

Yes, but you have bigger issues in life than finding a hotel if you've come here with this question without first visiting our "Hotel/Party" page.

Question

How much time is an appropriate amount of time to 'chat up' the happy couple after the ceremony?

Answer

Consult "Emily Post's Etiquette" to determine a respectful chat time.

Question

Why am I still reading the FAQs?

Answer

You are bored. Go get a haircut and treat yo self.